honesty breeds communication. but not right away.

I had coffee with a friend last night. We talked about a lot of stuff, mostly related to relationship stuff. And about halfway through our conversation, I felt God prompt me to tell him something. It's one of those concepts that I want to get down on "paper" so I don't forget it.

We were talking about how much time he and his wife spend "arguing" with each other, and as he talked, I realized that the majority of things they were saying to each other were laced with sarcasm, passive aggression, and manipulation. In other words, they weren't really talking to each other...they were both trying to control the other person.

Here's the nugget of truth that just kind of popped out...I said:

"When your wife does something that bothers you, why don't you just tell her -- in LOVE, not manipulation -- that her actions are bothering you?"

He said: "Well, I guess because I'm scared of hurting her feelings."

"But when you get into knock-down, drag-out fights with each other, are you worried about hurting each others' feelings?"

"Not really."

"So what you're scared of is telling the TRUTH."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Here's what I've found in my relationship with Emily...when you're honest with your wife, it breeds trust. And trust breeds confidence. And confidence (in yourself and your spouse) breeds communication. Over time, honesty is the only way you'll ever achieve true intimacy with your wife."

My friend pulled out his cell phone, asked me to repeat it to him, and texted it to himself. And that was when I knew that what I said made more sense than it ever could have if I came up with it:)

Donovan

Turkey.

Goodness.
This weekend was one for the record books.

THURSDAY:
Emily and I went for an early-morning run. Around 10am.
Did some laundry.
Fixed some stuff around the house.
Watched TV at my parents' home in Spring Bay.
Ate the most delicious Thanksgiving dinner EVER.
Spent some quality time with my dad's side of the family (Uncle Gary, Aunt Sue, Cousin Gary, Alaina and Cody).
Talked about the upcoming Bears' game.


FRIDAY:
Purchased a brand new television.
Ate some doughnuts.
Shopped all morning.
Met dad at home, and we installed the TV/sound system.
Rented a couple of movies/TV shows.
Watched a little bit of television:)




SATURDAY:
(I'm going to miss a LOT of stuff. The day was jam-packed.)
Lunch with my family (mom's side)
Colored with little Morgan.
Played stuffed animal toss with Morgan.
Ate TOO much food. Again. Lots of delicious-ness.
Emily bought my Christmas present (so awesome!!!)
I told her about her Christmas present.
We took a bunch of stuff back.
Shopped at Kohl's. Best Buy. Target. Kroger.
Best Buy looked like it was on fire. But it was really the apartments behind the store.
Watched more TV.


SUNDAY:
Emily and I made a dish with eggplant, onions, tomatoes, zucchini, and a bunch of other stuff.
NOTE: uncooked eggplant is quite possibly the most disgusting-tasting vegetable in the entire history of uncooked vegetables.
We got a quick run in before lunch.
Ate even MORE deliciousness at Emily's parents' house!!!
Played football in the backyard (my wife is a SERIOUS route-runner, and she's got a good arm, too!)
Watched the Bears/Eagles game.
Talked finances with Emily's family.
Went home and watched more TV.

Yes. It was a beautiful Thanksgiving weekend.
But, in spite of all our exercise, I still gained about ten pounds:(

Oh, well. The Jingle Bell run isn't for another week! I have time to lose the weight. Or at least, I'm going to tell myself that I have time to lose some weight.
We'll see what happens.

- Donovan

love.

God impressed a really simple concept on my heart last night.

when it comes to a relationship, there are two parts to the equation:

1. do i feel like you love me?
2. do you feel like i love you?

now, since i'm a selfish person, i spend too much time focusing on #1.


i need to stop being so selfish, and spend more time focusing on #2.

that is all.

- donovan

why i don't have facebook.

i guess everyone at 91.5 WCIC has a facebook account.

all my friends, my family members have facebook accounts.
my DAD has one, and so does my wife.

even these dogs have facebook accounts.












i am SO behind the times.

you might wonder why i don't have a facebook account.
in fact, if you have a facebook account, you might not believe me that i don't have one.
because EVERYONE facebooks!
but trust me, i have nothing.

go ahead...search for me.

nothing.

just this blog, and my email account...donovan@wcicfm.org.

here's why:

1. i prefer genuine dialog.
a few years ago, i had a myspace account (for all i know, it's still out there somewhere).
all of my conversations with people involved typing.
thinking.
and lots of space between responses.

it was all about impression management. making people think i was the hippest, trendiest, most intelligent person alive.

and it was way too much work.

now that i'm older, i realized that i prefer face-to-face, un-anonymous communication.
it's harder.
it's messier.
it's more time-intensive.

but it's REAL.
and real is good.

2. i don't have time.
back in the day, i spent LOTS of time on my computer.
between it and AOL Instant Messenger, i had no reason to leave my house.

it was kind of pathetic.

now that i'm married, i really value my free time.
i don't have time to sit around and patiently wait for people to get back to me.
i have life to live.

3. i like my personal information to be kept, well, personal.
with all the "accidental" info slip-ups facebook has made recently, i don't feel like trusting them with my private information.
maybe i'm naive. but i don't like junk mail, and i REALLY don't like identity theft.

4. i don't care if people are obsessed with me.
when i was younger, i wanted people to like me.
so i'd base my sense of accomplishment as a person based on how many friends i had.
or how many people would respond to my posts.

i don't care anymore.

if people like what i have to say, cool.
if not, cool.

the only opinions i truly care about are the people who actually impact my life.

not my friends i used to know back in high school.
not the guy at the bookstore who just downloaded the coolest iPhone app ever.
and especially not the overly-opinionated guy who can't sleep until everyone sees life exactly the way he does.

...

so there you have it.

i don't have facebook.
and i probably never will.

if you want to contact me, shoot me an email, or leave me a comment.

but please don't tell me i need to join facebook.
just because everyone and their dog has one.

- donovan

marriage.

life is funny.

you blink, and a year has passed.

you blink again, and you're married.

at least, that's how it feels.


this past year has been a colossal learning experience.
God knew i needed some direction. some encouragement. and someone to challenge my ideas of what life looks like.

and He gave me the most qualified candidate possible.

marriage has been a completely different animal than i had ever expected.
elements of it that i worried would be all-consuming ended up being non-issues.
and areas where i thought i'd coast...well, God's still working with me on most of those.

and it has been an absolute blessing.


i wouldn't trade it for the world.
and i'm pretty sure Emily wouldn't either.

more to come.
unless i forget.

- donovan

The face the world would see.

Okay, so I must clarify. This post is going to be more of a rant. A fun rant, but a rant, nonetheless. So if you're not in the mood for this kind of thing, check out my previous posts. They're a little more straight-laced.

You know, I find it kind of ironic that the internet is both a great tool for exercising one's freedom of speech, and also a place where individuality is squashed.

Take, for example, my blog. On the one hand, I can say anything I'd like, and it becomes a piece of the puzzle that is the mind of Donovan Hill.
And yet, I don't have any pictures of myself up on the blog, so how do you REALLY KNOW that it's me writing the posts? This blog has both completed and stolen my identity.

It always cracks me up meeting someone in person, then after knowing them awhile, receiving texts/emails/comments from them. I look at their writings and think "That doesn't sound a THING like they did in real life! There's no way!"

When you're digital, it's a different game.
There is no emotion, unless there are emoticons:)
Everyone busts out the "LOLs," IDKs" and "IMOs."
They all write in short, fragmented thoughts that are both predictable and absolutely necessary.
And they panic if there's a lull in the "conversation."

There's an entire "inter-nettiquite" that I unknowingly impose upon everyone I talk to online. I know for me at least, if it takes someone more than a couple of minutes to respond to me, my mind begins to wander.

"Are they okay? Did I say something to offend them? What if they're showing my inane post to all their friends and laughing at me? AAGH, the suspense! I can't take it!!!"

Yet the "suspense" is completely self-inflicted. Because chances are, they're too busy "living" and interacting in "reality" to get back to me. How's that for irony?

...

I can't wait for 2010. A new beginning.

Just like every other decade, we're all going to look back at the 2000's and think "What were we thinking?"

- 24-hour news channels competing for RATINGS? explain to me how that's any different than a 24-hour soap opera?

- did anyone ACTUALLY think reality TV was a good idea?

- T9? What's that?

- so HOW exactly was facebook better than myspace? or was it really just time for a change?

- remember Twitter? Me neither.
...

I really feel like someday, this whole internet fad is going to crack.

People will rise above the faceless, nameless identities the internet has made us.
We're going to look back at the World Wide Web the way we now look back on Pong, Galaga and Moon Patrol.
It will be used more as a means of computing data and storing files and processing transactions. With very little room for "personality."
And yeah, it'll be fun to tap into every now and then. But spend ten hours a day online? Who has time for THAT?!?

Granted, this shift will be VERY gradual. People are still fascinated with the internet because it's quick, it's exhaustive, and it's becoming increasingly more thorough. And it's getting better all the time.

But for now, I'm stuck.
I'm limited by the words I write.
I'm limited by the pictures on my profile.
I'm limited by the things I enjoy. The people I admire. My dreams and aspirations.

Rather than expressing myself, I'm giving people a means to stereotype me. Reduce me to a set of likes/dislikes. To trivialize me. And dismiss me.
And that's a tough pill to swallow.

So, I guess I'd say these are the kinds of things that cross my mind as the evening rolls on. If you made it this far, I only hope you're encouraged by the fact that God is good. And even in a world of immediacy and hype, there's a hope for us that's bigger than the world, and all the problems therein.

And in that hope, there's a peace that passes all understanding. All expectations. And all facelessness.

Donovan

Situational Extroversion.

Situational Extroversion.

They say the average person remembers about 20% of everything they read, 10% of everything they see, and about 5% of everything they hear. Well, not too long ago, I was watching Inside the Actors’ Studio with James Lipton, and it was the episode with Mike Myers (most known for his role as Austin Powers).
At one point in the show, James Lipton asked him how he would classify himself in terms of his personality. You know, the whole Briggs-Meyers test thing. And he basically said that he’s a “situational extrovert.” He went on to explain that while he was capable of being extremely outgoing and personable, he also needed plenty of time away from people to recharge.
I related to that statement on about fifteen levels.
It was always difficult, because until that point, I assumed you had to be either one or the other. And I wasn’t.
I guess there are times I enjoy being around company, and while I am perfectly comfortable in group settings, I don’t prefer being around people. I’m a bit reclusive.
And it took Austin Powers, the international man of mystery, to point it out.

How often does this kind of stuff happen to you? You’re watching TV. Listening to the radio. Out with a friend, chatting over dinner. And something is said that resonates with you in a way you didn’t expect it to. Isn’t that a bittersweet feeling?

I try to look for opportunities to discover new things about myself. Sometimes my discoveries are enlightening and fun. Other times, they’re not fun at all. Because I see an area of my life that stinks. That needs to change. And I know it’s going to require more effort than I’d like to give it.